The most important thing is that I don’t want anybody to take me too seriously.
Frankly, I might say a lot of things that are wrong.
I’ve come to accept over the years that I am a highly intuitive thinker. This means that I don’t always have an “argument” for everything – and no, I likely CAN’T cite any sources without taking at least a few minutes to hunt one down first. But my intuition has been right a whole lot more often than it’s been wrong, so I’ve learned to roll with it.
My brother said something the other day that really struck a chord with me. Paraphrasing:
“If I say something that is FALSE, it is only because I am TRYING and FAILING to say something that is TRUE.”
I do this a lot. My words don’t always come out right. Or sometimes I “put two and two together” not realizing that one of my twos was actually supposed to be a three.
So you might see me correct myself a lot. I might un-publish entire posts and then re-publish them later with some bits changed or left out or added.
I often become emotional when I write – especially about issues that are near to my heart, or that hit “close to home.” A natural consequence of this is that I don’t always make my points well. I don’t always represent the truth (or even my limited understanding of it) clearly – even when I am trying earnestly to do so.
On the other hand… sometimes I say things that are patently wrong, for no other reason than to make people THINK. It seems to me that particularly hungry TRUTHS are often effectively baited by little floundering lies.
But I DON’T say things that are false or wrong for the purpose of misleading others. There are a lot of nasty things you could call me that just might be true – but “liar” isn’t one of them. If I’ve lied to anyone since I was a girl – it was only because I lied to myself first.
This “information age” is a very interesting time to be alive, because suddenly anybody and everybody can put on an air of authority and offer counsel to the masses.
I’ve seen a lot of people come under fire for backtracking, redacting, reshaping (and so on and so forth – in other words, changing somehow) the counsel that they offer up. If you backpedal, if you change your opinion, if you start singing a different tune – your “authority” is suspect. People who cling to obvious lies for the sake of seeming steadfast and unchanging are lauded as “consistent.”
Whether you’re more of a “faith” kinda person or more of a “science” kinda person – this is silly.
Faith in a higher power is predicated upon human fallibility.
The entire premise of science insists that we must be willing to reshape the parameters of our understanding when presented with new evidence which challenges those parameters.
To be changeable – to be adaptable – to be malleable in the face of fallibility – is the very basis of mortal existence (and survival), no matter which side of the fence you’re looking over.
I’ll be the first one to tell you that I’m a bit of a hot mess. I have emotional and psychological baggage which prevents me from seeing some things clearly.
Don’t we all?
So here’s how it goes:
In the first place, I don’t claim ANY authority upon which to assert that the words I speak or write are necessarily the objective truth.
Furthermore – I am, above all, angling to discover the truth. Above all, I want the TRUTH.
I’m not putting myself out there as someone who “has truth to give” to other people. All I can offer is a small glimpse into my own personal search for truth.