I recently became aware of the “#TradWife” movement. I can’t say I like it. It makes me roll my eyes. Activism has that effect on me. There’s a saying I heard one time that goes something like “if you’re talking, you’re not working.” Now, that’s not ALWAYS true, but it often is – especially for us, ladies.
There’s also the allure of attention and validation, which is innate to the sorts of activism that thrust people into the public eye, and which ends up corrupting many young women who start out with otherwise good intentions.
A couple posters over on RVF articulated my own thoughts more succinctly than I could:
“Well if said influencers are serious they will be anonymous and they will not show their faces.
Otherwise the temptation to attention whore will be a problem. And they end up a ethot grifter instead.”
That resonates with me – although personally, I have something of an aversion to being in the spotlight. But I’d say the understanding of the principle rings all the truer for me on account of the fact that I’ve been painstakingly aware of the attention I’ve received my entire life, more or less just for being female – because I don’t like it. It makes my skin crawl.
I’ve become reticent over the years in writing and sharing my thoughts – and especially afraid of having those words associated with my actual face – because it’s so profoundly uncomfortable for me to have people paying attention to me. If I already get so much attention without even really ASKING for it – what would happen if I were actually TRYING? And heaven forbid, what if I actually LIKED it? I’ve thanked God many times for making me shy and socially anxious. 🙂
The next quote really drives it home for me, though:
I agree with everyone who pointed out that a real “trad wife” would not be broadcasting her life choices (or her children’s lives) on social media.”
Broadcasting your young children’s lives (showing their faces and saying their names) on social media before they are old enough to know what’s going on is not “tasteful.”
As far as women broadcasting their own lives in order to “teach other women,” there is a reason why pretty much all major religions forbid women from becoming priests or spiritual teachers/leaders.
Even if the woman’s heart is in the right place (unlikely), all the women she influences are likely to only follow her out of narcissism and the desire to get attention. She would be encouraging narcissism and attention-seeking behavior in other women rather than encouraging virtue.
In any case, if these women are so family-oriented, then why are they prioritizing “teaching other women” over caring for their own family in the best way possible (which means not broadcasting their lives on social media)?
Lastly, although I have no evidence of this, I’d be willing to bet that these “trad wives” on social media are more than willing to show cleavage, wear makeup (which in past traditional times was considered to be for prostitutes) and show off their bodies in general.
Even it they are only showing off their faces and not their bodies, I’d bet that they get a sense of satisfaction, rather than disgust, when they receive messages from their male followers telling them how beautiful they are and “I wish I could find a trad wife like you,” etc.
BOOM. Yes. All of this.
ALL. OF. IT.
So why am I even sitting here writing this blog entry instead of scrubbing toilets or teaching my children how to properly conjugate verbs, or work out long division on paper?
Well, because what the “Trad Wife Movement” doesn’t understand is that this is WAR.
I’ll admit that when I was a little girl, I essentially dreamed of being a “Trad Wife.” I held my traditional religious views (cultivated in spite of an exceedingly liberal upbringing) near and dear to my heart, and I wanted to be a shining example of how even today, women can still choose homemaking and childrearing; that women CAN find joy and fulfillment in traditional, feminine, domestic roles.
I was a cultural reactionary at the tender age of just five years old: stomping my foot and crossing my arms and telling my father that I would NEVER go to college; that I did not NEED to go to college in order to get married and have babies. It felt like the entire world was against me. “You MUST go to college,” they said. “You MUST have a career.” “You won’t find a man who will support you and give you the life that you want.”
I was going to PROVE THEM WRONG.
I see the same naive idealism in the “TradWife” scene. Even the ones who are not straight-up e-thots – there is so much idealizing and romanticizing. These women are broadcasting the idea that the lifestyle they are living is not only readily available to OTHER women – but that it is leisurely enough that they are able to invest considerable amounts of time and energy into broadcasting their lives to the rest of the world. And so can you!
In other words, the “TradWife” movement is not representative of any sort of traditional REALITY. It’s a sugar-coated portrait of something people desperately want to see. It’s not REAL. Add in the monetization factor (or the “thotting around to snag a husband” factor), and most of it amounts to pure self-interested pandering to and in support of consumer desires and behaviors.
It’s another a shiny consumer trap.
I’ve learned the hard way that, while certainly not impossible, achieving a traditional marriage and family structure in this day and age (especially in the Western world) is exceedingly difficult. The entire cultural and economic deck of cards that is modern civilization is stacked against you. In short: you’re not ALLOWED to even DO that – let alone enjoy it. You have to be willing to endure a lot of blows and undertake a lot of hardships.
The “TradWife” movement portrays itself as a matter of CHOICE. It asks: why don’t more women simply make the decision to live this way?
Well, no offense here, sweetheart – but would YOU be able to live that way if you weren’t a monetized/affiliate-marketing/self-promoting/gold-digging ho?
No, you wouldn’t.
And yes, that IS overly-harsh of me.
But it’s also kinda true.
Upholding the cultural traditions that are conducive to the formation of strong marriages, families, and societies is not about posing in pretty dresses in meadows. It’s not about taking selfies around the house. It’s not about fetishizing wifely submission or male leadership.
Unless you are VERY privileged, it’s a tooth-and-nail fight that frankly ought not to leave you with the sort of time on your hands to be flaunting your exploits all over the internet.
I’m here running my mouth because I want more people – and especially more women – to understand this.
THE CAKE IS A LIE.
You can either fight, OR you can whore yourself out on the platforms of your enemies for validation and resources and material success while they salt the earth of your homelands and deliver your sisters and your daughters into bondage and death.
THAT is the simple choice you have to make.